“I walked into a church at 21 years old with two children hanging from my hips, overwhelmed by the burden of life’s woes, certain I would drown from the bleeding heart I nursed. I had no money, few friends, and even less hope. The weight of my choices, my pain, my abuse, my reality, was almost too much to bear. I was certain I didn’t fit in anywhere, especially the church!” These words were penned almost two decades ago by Jennifer Maggio, Chief Executive Officer and founder of The Life of a Single Mom. They spawned a national nonprofit that has gone on to serve over 1,000,000 single mothers and almost 2,000 churches (and counting) around the U.S. with one plan – no single mom should walk alone.
In 1951, approximately 22% of the United States population lived in a single-parent home. By 2018, that number had risen to 35%. According to Pew Research Center, nearly 65% of babies are born into single-parent homes (2018). A baby is more likely to be born into a single-parent family today than any other time in history and all indications are that those numbers will continue to rise. While divorce rates have fallen to 36% (CDC/NCHS National Vital Statistics System, 2018), this is likely only due to couples choosing cohabitation versus marriage. Throw in grandmothers raising grandchildren alone and young widows, and we’ve got an epidemic on our hands. However, despite the rising numbers and the many challenges facing these families, including poverty, imprisonment, education, mental stressors, and more, many churches do not have a formal single moms’ ministry.
There are many reasons why churches have not moved forward with a single moms’ outreach and ministry plan, but some could include:
The following list is our attempt to address some of the above concerns (and others) while giving churches and ministry leaders creative ideas on how to best serve the single mother-led family.
Single moms are in your community, even if they aren’t in your church. While some churches do not have a large number of single mothers actively attending their church, they certainly exist in the community. There are 22 million single parents in the United States with approximately 82% of the parents with domiciliary custody being mothers. They are raising millions of children. While statistics vary, it is estimated that 67% of these families do not actively attend a local church. This lends to a ripe mission field. Starting a single mom’s ministry is a great way to get single moms in your area connected to your church, building relationships, and ultimately forging a strong relationship with Jesus Christ. Once your church has started an effective ministry, it is much easier to actively seek these families out.
The children of single moms are the next generation. Being strategic about how to reach the children of single mothers is important to the future of our churches and communities. The next generation of doctors, lawyers, teachers, pastors, entrepreneurs, mothers, and fathers are being raised in single mother homes. Many of these children lack a strong male figure, making the connection to the church and a spiritual family all the more important. Connecting single mothers into a community of other Christians provides comfort to these families, and often forms natural mentoring opportunities for both them and their children. It takes a village. Proverbs 22:6, “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”
Single moms’ ministries do not require an extensive budget. Let’s not overthink it. Single moms’ ministries, outreaches, Bible studies, and support groups can be very low to no cost. They are simply gatherings that provide childcare, a meal, a lesson, and meeting space. Many churches can facilitate potluck meals and volunteer childcare sign-up to offset costs. Further, then can plan ahead to integrate a small budget into the annual costs of the church, or they can fund raise via a bake sale, garage sale, or similar to find the necessary funding to sustain the ministry over the long haul. For more ideas on how to effectively fundraise for your single moms’ ministry, visit here. (KW, find the fundraising e-book or article that I wrote for here).
Single moms’ ministries do not support sin. Drug rehabilitation programs do not support drug use. They simply meet a need that is presented in an individual’s life. The same is true for single moms’ ministries. While we take care to point out that single mothers arrive to their journey in a variety of ways, including many who had no choice in the matter, we pose this question. Does a single moms’ arrival to her journey preclude certain single moms from ever being ministered to by your church? It seems that many churches fear that a formal single mothers’ ministry program within the church may allude to support of unbiblical behavior. We disagree. Single moms’ ministries meet families where they are, introduce them to Jesus, disciple, forge strong friendships, and provide teaching, fellowship, and growth. We believe every single mom should have a strong local church family.
The statistics paint a harrowing picture, but our God is much bigger. While difficult to read, we see single mothers and their children face heartbreaking statistics. Too often, single mothers slip through the cracks, working two jobs, juggling carpool and homework, and often drowning under the weight of life’s pressures. However, when a lifeline exists by way of a single moms’ support group within a local church, many single mothers cite improved emotional, financial, and parental health metrics, as well as a robust network of friends and a strong relationship with the Lord. As churches launch these effective ministries, we see single mothers connect, plant, and contribute. We continue to see single mothers shatter statistics with a God who is well-able to do exceedingly, abundantly more, than we can think or imagine.
Single moms’ ministry is not the same as singles’ ministry. While there may be some parallels between single moms’ ministries and singles’ groups, they are uniquely different. We are not suggesting that single moms can’t assimilate into a singles’ group and enjoy it, of course. We are merely highlighting that sometimes they won’t. For example, singles’ groups tend to be co-ed, which can create some complications for a mother who is recently divorced and vulnerable. Likewise, singles’ groups can include childless singles who may not understand the complexity of dating while parenting alone or other challenging parenting seasons. Further, singles’ ministries, nationally, tend to serve an older crowd of 35-55+ years old, which can present discomfort among younger single mothers. (Of note, we have seen single mothers’ ministries, divorce recovery ministries, AND singles’ ministries find parallel in a church with great success! In other words, it doesn’t have to be either/or, it can be and.)
Single moms’ ministry is not the same as divorce recovery ministry. While we love such programs, divorce recovery ministry is usually 10 to 12 weeks, depending on the curriculum your church uses. Upon completion, we find that many attendees need more fellowship among peers and do not automatically find another Bible study to attend. This makes single moms’ ministry a great place to segue divorce recovery graduates into. Further, many single mothers were never married, making them ineligible for divorce recovery coursework.
Hurt has often left single moms isolated and alone. Again, while we know that single motherhood stories vary widely from family to family, consider this. Imagine the trauma of a mother whose spouse has just abandoned her in pursuit of another relationship, while she raises four young children alone. Consider the pain of a mother who had to flee a domestic violence situation with two young children in tow or the shame of a mother whose marriage ended due to her own infidelity and poor choices. What becomes of her children? Maybe there is childhood sexual assault, deep depression, generational fatherlessness, or other factors that have left a single mom clinging to her bed more frequently than she clings to the Cross. Satan does a masterful job of convincing these mothers that they are not wanted in a local church. Many single mothers do not have a support system and wind up in isolation because of their hurt and pain.
Single moms lack support. Single mothers are often the only ones doing the care taking of their children. They do the cooking, cleaning, tutoring, caring for sick children, chauffeuring, cheer leading, and so much more all on their own. Many single mothers work full-time or even work two jobs. The saying, “it takes a village to raise a child” is true, but for many single mothers their village consists of one person: themselves. They often lack a deep support system that can help pick up the slack when they’ve had a difficult day at work, when they are sick, or when they simply need a listening ear. Single moms’ ministries at church can often birth friendships that become a peer-to-peer support system for single mothers within their church community. (Note: When thinking of ways to support a single mother, offer free childcare for a night or a ride for her child to practice. Cook her a warm meal or give a gift card to help with gas. Be creative!)
Your church’s traditional Bible study may present barriers. Bible studies are a great way for people to get connected and dive deeper into the Word of God. However, some Bible studies present barriers for single moms to participate. For example, it’s not always easy to find childcare for Bible studies that do not offer it. Further, mid-week services may be impossible for moms who work two jobs or who have no help with getting children to complete their homework and bath time. The cost of childcare and finding a reliable sitter alone can be a deterrent for single mothers. That is why it is so important to remove these barriers through a single moms ministry. Holding single moms ministry on a Friday or Saturday night, including a free meal and childcare, gives moms the opportunity to attend without having to worry about such barriers.
A short-term class offered to single moms is not enough. Parenting, financial education, unwed mom parenting classes, and divorce recovery programs are all valuable. (In fact, we’re big supporters of all of those!) However, they only address an immediate need over a short period of time. Single moms’ support groups and ministries are the long-term solution that allows these valuable educational classes to pass the baton to the next ministry leader. A single mother’s struggles are not going to be solved in a twelve-week parenting class. Her struggles are multifaceted and ongoing, requiring long-term support! That is why it is so important for single moms ministry to be an ongoing event, because as her children grow and her finances change, so will her need for support!
Single moms’ groups grow disciples. Like most Bible studies, single moms’ support groups create an environment for moms’ faith to be stretch, their Biblical understanding to grow, and their ability to both be discipled and disciple others. Can you think of a better place for single mothers to grow in their faith than in the church? Not only are we making disciples of single mothers, but we are also making disciples of their children. These mothers are raising the next generation, and it is imperative that we give them the understanding of what it takes to raise their children up in the way that they should go. Through a single moms’ ministry, we have the unique ability to reach not only mom, but her child as well!
Single mom’s ministry is evangelism. Outreach beyond the walls of the church is always an opportunity to reach others for Christ. While we mentioned earlier that approximately 67% of single mothers do not actively attend a local church, it is also worth noting that many single mothers cite that their church attendance directly resulted from an outreach within the community, such as a free car wash & oil change, single moms’ conference, food pantry distribution, clothing drive, or the like. This ministry opportunity creates a beautiful conduit for the local church to reach those who may not otherwise have a home church or feel welcomed there.
Single moms’ groups create a learning environment for life skills, including the ability to delve into healthy money management, Biblical parenting, and overall spiritual and emotional wellness. Imagine spending your entire adult life married or with a partner, and then finding yourself having to do the parenting alone; or managing on a single income for the first time ever. Single moms ministry offers a unique way to teach single mothers in an environment where they don’t feel judged or looked down upon for their current situation! It even gives the ministry leader the opportunity to tailor the curriculum to single mothers specifically, making it more beneficial for everyone in the group!
Single moms’ groups promote fellowship among peers. Like youth groups, widows’ ministry, sewing groups, or countless others, single moms’ groups can serve as an opportunity for single mothers to connect with others in a similar life season. It is not often that single mothers have the opportunity or the time to connect with friends, much less those in a similar life season. Single moms groups serve as a way to combat isolation, create community, and forge deep, lifelong friendships. We recommend carving out thirty minutes in the beginning of your single moms’ meetings for fellowship, including serving a warm meal to the moms in attendance. This is a great way for moms to mix and mingle with each other!
Ongoing single moms’ ministries within churches can be a beautiful way to reach both women and children, making a long-term impact on families.
Jennifer Maggio is a mom to three, wife to Jeff, and founder of the national nonprofit, The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. She is author to four books, including The Church and the Single Mom. She was named one of the Top 10 Most Influential People in America by Dr. John Maxwell in 2017 and 2015 and has appeared in hundreds of media venues, including The New York Times, Family Talk Radio with Dr. James Dobson, Joni and Friends, and many others.