I know, I know, you’re the husband, which makes you the boss. The boss is clearly in control, so that means you’re in control. The only control problem in marriage is women who won’t accept that their husband is in control!
A lot of us were taught something along these lines, but the Bible doesn’t actually say that. The Bible says husbands are to be servant leaders, just as Christ was a servant leader.
Some will argue Jesus is in control. Jesus Himself would disagree; He was very clear God was in control, while He, Jesus, only did what He saw God doing. Please don’t think this is just a technicality, it’s a critical fact we MUST understand if we have any hope of being the kind of husband and servant leader God calls us to be. Being the leader of your home is not about being in control, and it certainly is not about doing things the way you want them to be done. Jesus didn’t want to go to the cross, but He did. “Not my will, but your will be done” is what each of us needs to say to God about how we lead our family. Jesus was willing to go as far as dying; how far are we willing to go for our wife and children?
The other thing about being a servant leader is following such a leader is optional. It’s not optional if a wife wants to be obedient to God, but there is no provision for the servant leader to enforce following. Just as Jesus will let us go our own way, we have to be willing to let our wife ignore our attempts to lead. If you’re a true servant leader, and your wife chooses not to follow you, please pray for her, because it’s not going to go well for her. If you’re behaving rightly, and she’s not following you, it’s God’s problem to deal with. On the other hand, if you’re not leading properly, or are not leading at all, those are also God’s problems to deal with.
Enough on control; on to something new!
[This post first appeared Sept 11, 2012.]
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