“We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.”
(1 Thessalonians 2:4)
In the context of forgiveness and enablement, it’s important to understand the distinction between the two concepts and how they relate to boundaries.
**Forgiveness** involves releasing resentment or anger towards someone who has wronged you. It is a personal choice to let go of the emotional burden and to not hold the offense against the person any longer. Forgiveness is an act of grace and can be done regardless of the other person’s actions or behavior.
Forgiveness is not enablement.
**Enablement**, on the other hand, occurs when someone’s bad behavior is overlooked or facilitated by not setting appropriate boundaries or failing to enforce consequences. Enabling means you allow others to continue in their bad behavior by either not establishing a boundary or by not enforcing repercussions when they violate a boundary you have established. When you enable someone, you may inadvertently support their harmful behavior, often out of a desire to be kind or to avoid conflict.
**Boundaries** are crucial in distinguishing between forgiveness and enablement. Setting boundaries means clearly defining what behaviors you will accept and what you will not. It’s about protecting yourself and ensuring that others understand the limits of acceptable behavior. When someone violates these boundaries, appropriate repercussions should be enforced.
In the example of a man who borrows money and refuses to repay it, forgiveness would involve letting go of any bitterness or resentment towards him. However, it would be wise to set a boundary to prevent further financial transactions with him. This is not an act of unforgiveness but a protective measure to prevent future harm.
If you say yes to irresponsible people when you should put up boundaries and say no, you are actually attempting to please people instead of God. The apostle Paul counters that error in thinking by declaring …
The apostle Paul, in his writings, emphasizes living a life that honors God rather than seeking to please people. For instance, in Galatians 1:10, he writes, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” This reflects the idea that our actions should align with God’s will and not merely be reactions to other people’s expectations or behavior.
Therefore, while forgiveness is about releasing negative emotions and freeing yourself from the burden of resentment, setting boundaries and avoiding enablement is about maintaining healthy relationships and ensuring that behaviors are addressed appropriately. Balancing forgiveness with firm boundaries helps to foster both personal peace and constructive interactions with others.