This industry is competitive, I know. But why does it seem like everyone else is getting ahead and I’m stuck here hoping I get an audition for that profit-share gig? I trained at two different conservatoires for four years and one of my friends just landed a role on a streaming show—and he didn’t even do drama in high school. The injustice! There must be a reason I’m not getting anywhere and everyone else is. Maybe I’m not good-looking enough? Maybe I’m not charismatic enough? Or maybe I’m this and maybe I’m that and maybe I’m not talented at all and I’m wasting my time…
If any of the above sounds like something you’ve caught yourself writing in your journal or thinking about on your way to your muggle job, congratulations: you’re human. You’re also probably in show business. It is vital to learn how to stop comparing yourself to other actors. It’s not sustainable, it’s not helpful. In fact, I’d go so far to say that changing your mindset is a key part of your success as an artist—particularly when it comes to a career more marathon than sprint.
The good news? You can start changing it right now. Read on for our tips on how to stop comparing yourself to other actors.
Just Be Yourself
I know. How many times have you heard this, or even given the same advice to someone else? “Just be yourself” is easier said than done—particularly when the “just” part implies that it’s both simple and also something you haven’t considered before. Which, of course, you have.
Let’s be a little more scientific about it, though. I’d suggest you check out Caroline McHugh’s TedTalk, The Art of Being Yourself:
If you find yourself comparing yourself to other actors a lot, you’re likely suffering from a bout of either superiority or inferiority complex. A superiority complex might sound like: “Why did they get that role and I didn’t? I’m a way better actor than they are!” Whereas an inferiority complex might sound like: “I’ll never be as good as they are, there’s no point in auditioning.”
Both are based entirely on comparison. If you think you’re better or worse than someone, you’re using another person as a measuring stick for your own self-worth. McHugh has devised a third way of being that sits comfortably in the middle of superiority and inferiority. She calls it interiority. Interiority is the only place in your life that you won’t be able to find a comparison to yourself. You’re not placing yourself above others, nor are you placing yourself beneath them. You’re not a good actor or a better actor or a bad actor … you’re just an actor.
It’s particularly hard to engage our interiority in this industry because we deal with so many yeses and nos. This makes it very easy to fall into approval addiction. we want people to like us so they’ll be more likely to say “Yes!” and give us the job.
A potential way out of this is to stop viewing auditions as auditions and roles as the job. The audition is the job. Reading a play is the job. Doing a voice warm up is the job. Getting a role is the job. It then becomes a matter of doing the job well, which is easy if you put in the work.
Trust Your Brand
Related to “just be yourself”: stop comparing yourself to other actors by learning to trust your brand. Recently, I spoke to another one of our StageMilk team about their time in drama school. They studied writing, and they told me that their teacher wouldn’t allow anybody to share details of their scripts/screenplays/series until the first draft was completely written.
Why? So they all had time to develop confidence in their own ability, their own particular brand. By the time they heard each other’s work out loud, they had a confidence that came from knowing that no matter what anybody else had created, nobody could write like them.
I think the same applies to acting—maybe even more so. Think about the kind of actor you are, the kind roles you like and the kinds of jobs you hope to get. Think about what makes you different, and what you do better than anybody else. Others will get better jobs than you, and jobs you could probably knock out of the park if given the chance. But it doesn’t change what you do—and in the way that nobody else can. Enjoy that.
Sweet Treats
I only learned about this recently, but apparently it’s an unspoken rule for actors to get themselves a sweet treat after an audition. If this is news to you like it was to me, start doing it. I know I will be!
Getting yourself a treat that makes your heart flutter after an audition is excellent practise because it encourages you to celebrate small wins. Actors can get so fixated on “getting their shot” that they forget to appreciate that every audition, regardless of the outcome, is a win that deserves to be celebrated. Dream big, but don’t forget to break it down into its smaller parts and appreciate them as essential to your goals.
You’re also creating a positive feedback loop by treating yourself after auditions. If you start associating auditions with sweet treats, you’ll find you start looking forward to them even more.
Make a point of enjoying these post-audition moments by reflecting on all the sweet treats you’ve enjoyed so far. Practice gratitude for what you have, rather than longing after what you don’t have. Recognise abundance rather than scarcity.
Doomscrolling
Social media can be a dangerous trap for artists. Because it’s such an essential part of marketing yourself as an actor, people tailor their Instagram page to make it look like they are always working, always doing something interesting, always looking gorgeous. They are rarely an accurate depiction of the struggles behind the art.
I’m not saying: “get real” or “take of those rose-tinted glasses” or even “get the heck off social media, it’s destroying everything that makes us human.” I’m suggesting you stop comparing yourself to other actors whose online presence is perhaps less than truthful.
Try limiting your exposure to pages that make you feel like you’re falling behind. Curate your feed so that you’re more likely to get content that inspires you, rather than demoralises you. I’d recommend following other artforms. Painting, dancing, singing, making–any artforms you might not have as much of a stake in. You’re more likely to appreciate someone else’s work if it’s not the thing you’re cutting your teeth on.
Community
As an artist, your creative community is crucial. Surround yourself with people who you admire and who lift you up. Not only does a good community support you during the tough periods where nothing seems to be happening, but they’re also a gateway to more opportunities. Remember that a career in the arts takes time. If you’re surrounded by people who are working away at it, just like you, there’ll always be a chance to get on stage, in front of a camera or to read a new script. A great place to find this community is right here at StageMilk with our online Scene Club!
Sir Michael Caine tells a story in his autobiography, Blowing the Bloody Doors Off, about a café he and all of his friends would go to when they were out of work. He was sitting and enjoying perhaps his third cup of tea, when one of his friends started talking about a play he was writing. Michael and the rest of the group nodded and oo’ed and ah’ed encouragingly, but didn’t think the play would go anywhere.
Turns out the play was The Birthday Party and the writer was Harold Pinter. You never know who’s gonna do what in this industry.
Growth Mindset
Instead of watching a fellow actor strut their stuff on the mainstage and daydream about swapping places with them, ask yourself what you can learn from them. Eliminating the competitive mindset and replacing it with a mindset geared towards growth is far more sustainable and far healthier. It’ll also make you nicer to talk to at parties. Treat your colleagues as inspiration, not competition. We’re all in this together, after all.
Speaking of the mind: a healthy body equals a healthy mind, and vice versa. There is a whole lot of cold hard science out there that shows how beneficial meditation, journaling, yoga–any activity that teaches presence–can be. Get into a routine. Start journaling every morning (check out my article on Morning Pages to see how great it is for you), start exercising, put time aside for yourself to do nothing except notice your breath for a while. There’s a reason that 70% of drama school is basically just yoga.
Wrapping Up
I’m sure you’ve heard people say before that acting is a journey. There’s no one way to go about it. Some actors hit it big at twelve years old and vanish in their mid-twenties. Some don’t make it until they’re 70, and some don’t make it all. But I can guarantee that anyone who has stuck with it has had a rich and rewarding career. You’re on your own path, along with everyone else.
You can’t predict what your career will be like in as little as a year from now, which is what makes this job so exciting and so terrifying. (But mostly exciting, I think.) Stay open-minded, stay healthy and stay positive. Things happen and they’ll happen to you; trust me.
Hope this helped. See you around the traps!