Have you ever made a big purchase that, when somebody asked about it, you made up an excuse or reason why?
I recently attended a conference in New York. A friend joined me, and we both brought our kids. I remember asking him, “How was the trip over?” He replied that they all flew over first class. My first reaction when he said first class was to think, “That’s awesome!” But I could tell that he was feeling worried—maybe spending that kind of money was something that people would judge him for.
It reminded me of when my parents asked about a new car I bought. They were just interested in the make and model. It was a Tesla Model X. What was fascinating is that I didn’t talk about how much I enjoyed the features of the car. (It’s an awesome car!) Because I felt guilty about spending that kind of money, I found myself justifying my purchase to them (even though they didn’t ask). It made sense to buy it, I reasoned with them, since it would save me a lot of money on gas in the long run. They nodded, slightly confused as to why I brought up fuel prices.
It’s not uncommon to feel guilty about spending money. And that guilt can even prevent us from taking action. We’ll sometimes think, “Should I even be making this purchase?” This kind of reaction to spending money raises an important question: Why does this happen? Where does our guilt come from?
What Causes Big-Purchase Guilt?
I’ve found that they’re two primary reasons. First, we’re worried about what other people will think of us. We have a fear of being judged, especially for being judged as frivolous spenders who are irresponsible with money.
As physicians, there can be additional social pressure to present a minimalist lifestyle. There’s a perception out there that doctors make a lot of money. So we don’t want to come off as greedy or unworthy by presenting a (perceived) outlandish lifestyle.
Have you ever had an experience like this? I know I have and still do. It can affect how I spend my money.
The second-most-common reason I’ve seen has to do with what’s called scarcity mindset. That’s when a person has a belief that money is finite and, because of that, spending too much could leave them financially vulnerable. Spending, the thinking goes, will leave us less able to spend on other things.
This can of course snowball, and pretty soon a person with a scarcity mindset isn’t spending their money on anything for fear of missing out. The irony becomes that they end up not doing much of anything with their money—the opposite of dying with zero. (See Die with Zero by Bill Perkins.)
Scarcity mindset isn’t an “all or nothing” thing. I think we’ve all experienced it to some degree. That worry of not having enough can cause us to keep a tighter grip on what we have.
Regardless of which is the catalyst of our guilt, here’s my question: Are they valid? Should we let them create a sense of guilt in us? Should we allow them to dictate our spending?
Replace Guilt with Joy
Traditionally, we trade our time for money. If you’ve spent time with any of the communities here at Passive Income MD, you’ve learned about financial freedom and unlinking your time from money. That’s the goal.
On the way to that goal, most of us still generate income that’s linked to our time. And what’s important to remember is that time is our most precious resource. It’s a limited resource—we only have so much of it.
We’re giving up other things to create income when we spend time generating it. So shouldn’t we use that income to create more joy, to create more meaning and purpose in our lives? With this simple thought experiment, it’s become evident that spending should come with joy and not guilt, right?
Changing your mindset is one way you can replace that guilty feeling with a sense of joy. Another is by considering how you spend your money. For me, joyful spending occurs when creating memories of a lifetime. That could be treating myself or others with an experience—a vacation to clear my head and connect personally, a conference to learn and connect professionally, or engaging a hobby to activate a passion. Spending money on things like this brings joy because it’s purposeful. It’s meant to enhance my own self as well as those around me.
Intentionality really helps take away guilt and replace it with joy. You won’t be coming up with an excuse for a frivolous purchase because the purchase, by definition, won’t be frivolous. It will be aligned with your goals and values—even if it is a new car.
Spend with Purpose to Spend with Pleasure
When you spend money in alignment with your values, you don’t have to think about it as spending. It’s not money that’s gone. It becomes an investment. You won’t regret spending that money because it will create an amazing experience or contribute to the wellbeing and happiness of you, your friends, and your family.
Take playing golf. I used to feel incredibly guilty about how much it costs. But when I reframed my mindset, I realized the benefits were like an investment. I get outside. I get a little exercise. I feel good about myself. I get to connect with others. These are experiences that are precious to me, and golf facilitates them. With each major purchase I make, I can frame it as an investment that offers me and my loved ones a return on investment.
So if you figure out the values aligned with a purchase and the investment benefits, you are spending with purpose. And when you spend with purpose, your guilt will naturally fade. I promise you.
As you get used to this practice, I would also encourage you to keep track of your finances. Perhaps on a quarterly basis, do some accounting. Note what you’re moving toward, what you’ve spent your money on, what you can spend to be comfortable, reassess your values, and use these details to form a spending plan. That will enhance your ability to spend with purpose and, in turn, to spend with pleasure.
Life is way too short to feel guilty about spending money. Instead, invest in yourself and others to make life better. And live a life that aligns with your values and beliefs, whatever they might be. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of letting other people’s judgement or my own reservations dictate my behaviors and happiness. No more.
If the same is true for you, consider joining one of the many communities here at Passive Income MD or attending one of our conferences. There, like-minded people connect to work on the mindset shifts and financial planning that can manifest life-changing results.
Never forget that the money you have right now…you traded your time for it. So spend it well to fill your time with joy, and don’t ever apologize for it.
Thanks for stopping by today and being one of our readers. Until we see you next, stay inspired to live life on your own terms and financially free.
Peter Kim, MD is the founder of Passive Income MD, the creator of Passive Real Estate Academy, and offers weekly education through his Monday podcast, the Passive Income MD Podcast. Join our community at the Passive Income Doc Facebook Group.