Washington, D.C. – President Donald J. Trump signed an Executive Order today renaming the Fahrenheit temperature scale “AmeriTemp.” “I did it, folks, it’s official”, straight from the White House.
“Europe’s metric system, total disaster,” Trump said at the signing. “Their climate scientists can’t even pick a name for temperature. Centigrade? Celsius? Who knows? They’re confused, weak. I’m fixing that with AmeriTemp—best name, strong, all-American. Done.”
The order says every federal agency has to use “AmeriTemp” now. Documents, weather reports, everything. It’s still 32 for freezing, 212 for boiling—perfect numbers, tremendous numbers—but now it’s got a name that wins.
“And who’s this Kelvin guy?” Trump added. “Nobody knows him. Some scientist, probably a loser. We don’t need that. AmeriTemp’s for the people, my people, the best people.”
The White House says it’s about leadership. America’s number one, even in temperature. Critics are complaining, like always, but supporters love it. Agencies are moving fast to make it happen. That’s it, folks—AmeriTemp, here to stay.
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