I can relate. I worked in a medically adjacent field working with vulnerable adults with disabilities and their caretakers at the same time that my eldest with chronic health conditions, is Autistic, and complex mental illness was going through an incredibly rough period after years and years of not an easy period.
Things I did that helped a bit:
1. At home, get everything off your plate that you can. If you can hire someone to come in and clean, do it. If you can get a laundry service, do it. If you can order food instead of homecook, do it. Reach out to family and friends and be open about what’s happening. This doesn’t mean spread your kids private info out to the world but you get to talk about your experiences with your commuinty. Ask for help. If you’re part of a religious institution, check to see if they have some kind of “caring committee” of folks who can make dinners, do dishes, etc. etc.
See if you can get some respite care for kiddo so you can get some down time. If you’re partnered, see if partner can be with kiddo on their own for a night and get an Air BnB and just be alone for a bit. Or maybe kiddo’s friends parents can take kiddo for an evening, or something.
(I don’t know what state you are in, but many offer respite care services – if you need more info on this, please lmk in the comments).
2. When you have time (ha!) try to take some down time/alone time and be really mindful about it. Like say outloud “I am taking some time to myself so I can recharge my batteries,” so that you are FULLY aware of it.
3. Give yourself a LOT of grace. It’s ok for the house to be a mess. It’s ok for the kids to wear the same shirt two days in a row. It’s ok to get fast food. It’s ok to drop balls. Give yourself permission to be not ok without guilt. It’s ok to not be ok. Its ok to cry. Its ok to not be 100%. It’s ok to not be amazing at your job.
4. If your management at work is supportive, talk to them about what’s happening. See if they can help cut in some extra time for you during the day. If you can get paid FMLA or something, absolutely do that. If you can make it so you get 15 – 20 minutes between patients, and you can just zone out for a moment, absolutely do that.
5. It’s sounds so pithy but find small things that bring you joy and focus on those. I knit, so during that time I would treat myself to really pretty yarn that feels nice in my hands. I love to take HOT hot hot baths, so I would do that when I had a moment. I also gave myself full permission to zone out on social media because it made my brain shut up for a while. I watch really, really bad reality tv bc I just don’t have to think about it. I go for a walk to a waterfall near us on a regular basis. I love the game Stardew Valley, so I paid for it to be on my phone.
6. Find moments when you can take a break — like, carve them out. They don’t have to be big moments — even just five minutes when you can sit down and not have anyone talk to you. The commute to and from work was a good time for this, for me. I like audio books, so I would listen to those. Try to find time at home when you can go sit outside or a space that you can be and not be interacted with.
7. See if there are support groups for parents going through the same or similar things. I did not have one but a bunch of folks I knew also had kids who were really struggling (it was the pandemic and we were all having a hard time) and we made a private facebook group that was judgement free (we were picky about who we allowed in) where we could just openly discuss everything that was happening and commiserate and support each other.
I’m so sorry you’re going through all this.