A reader writes:
I’m in a weird situation with a few coworkers, and don’t know what to do.
My desk mate, Beth, is roommates with a coworker, Sally. Sally works in our department, but her office is in a different part of the building.
Sally recently started dating someone and confided in Beth that boyfriend, Jerry, is a convicted pedophile.
Sally’s mom, Kathy, also works in our department, in the same office as Beth and I are in.
We are sure that Kathy does not know this information, as she is friendly with Jerry and has a young tween daughter, Lucy, who is allowed to spend time at the apartment with Sally and Jerry.
Morally, I feel obligated to tell Kathy about Jerry’s conviction, but I don’t want the fallout to affect the workplace. I considered texting a screenshot of his public record to Kathy from a fake phone number. Beth doesn’t want me to — she is concerned that Sally will think she’s behind it because she hasn’t told anyone else, which will cause a blow-up for her, both at work and at home.
What would you suggest to protect the child, while also avoiding as much workplace drama as possible?
Since Sally shared Jerry’s history with Beth, why hasn’t Beth said to her, “Hey, I really think you need to tell your mom since he’s around your sister”?
And if that doesn’t change anything: “I’m not comfortable keeping this from your mom when she has a kid at home. I’d prefer you share it with her yourself, but otherwise I need to tell her.” (Or she could skip the warning and just tell Kathy what she needs to know.)
If Beth isn’t willing to do that, you could use a similar framing with Beth yourself: “I understand you’re worried about Sally being upset and blaming you, but we’re talking about a kid’s safety. I’m not comfortable keeping this from Kathy, knowing she’s allowing him around Lucy.”
And then tell Kathy what you know, and let her know she can confirm it in public records herself.
If Sally chooses to respond to that with drama … well, so be it. That worry can’t trump the risk of a kid getting abused.