A reader writes:
I joined my employer earlier this year as the only fully remote worker. At my first on-site, the only other coworkers in my department resigned. Instead of being the junior member of a small remote team as I expected, I was suddenly THE team. The CEO told me that day that he’d want me to travel to the home office once a month, and I was still so shocked I gave a non-committal answer like, “Well, if it’s for something important.” During the interviews, we had only discussed “some” travel.
I took possession of my childhood cat (age 16) at the beginning of June from my aging parents. He was healthy, but by mid-June, he showed symptoms that last week we found out is severe and chronic pancreatitis. His treatment plan includes once a week injections, 2-3 times a week fluids, twice daily pills and ointments, and a lot of hand feeding all day, every day. Almost all of these are a two-person job (bless my fiancé!). He has a chance of full recovery, but could also pass anytime.
The adjustment to remote work with my boss has been rough already, with limited communication from either side (my bad!). I ducked out of a July event for the first emergency appointment and an event tomorrow due to his new treatment plan (the org lost no money on plane tickets or hotel). I made one conference in August, but things went poorly while I was away. This time, my boss expressed displeasure and told me to find a way to attend “if at all possible” and to “heck, take the cat with you.” I don’t feel I can stick all of this care on my fiancé, even if either of us could do it independently.
I had a meeting today to finalize a large project. A coworker was early and started by saying he was disappointed that I wouldn’t be at the event tomorrow, that he didn’t see a pet as a valid excuse and didn’t believe me, he wasn’t a pet person, and in the army this would be called a “personal problem.” I was ruder than I should have been, but I was taken aback and said I could always ask the vet to send him a note and that if my boss felt the same way as him, the boss is free to talk to me about it.
My coworker said it in a semi-joking tone and seemed to get more serious when I expressed my regret about missing the event and explained the treatments — but he should not have known about the cat unless he’s been talking to my boss, he has no standing to reprimand me, and I felt disrespected and gossiped about. My boss came in and said that he was disappointed I wasn’t calling in on my way to the airport, then jumped in. I also made clear later in the call that I wouldn’t be committing to travel until this cat resolves his illness or passes.
How do I address this with my boss while giving my pet the best shot I can? Did I just take a joke too harshly? Is a pet’s illness a legitimate family issue to miss travel for? What do I do from here? They can’t see me working every day and want to bridge the gap through regular travel, and I can see why they thought I was on board. But I felt pressured into that existing agreement, I feel disrespected and distrusted, and I think my travel schedule is being gossiped about and potentially damaging my relationship with other coworkers. If it’s a performance conversation, I’m happy to have one — but with my boss, not my coworkers.
This is tricky. You signed up for a job that was supposed to involve “some” travel, and then the needs of the job changed soon after you started. You’re entitled to say, “Hey, this isn’t what we agreed to when I was hired and it’s not something I can do.”
At the same time, they’re allowed to decide that the needs of the job have changed and that they do need someone in your role who can travel more than what was originally discussed. That wouldn’t necessarily be fair, but it does happen sometimes. They’d also be on solid ground in pointing out that you did agree to “some” travel when you were hired, and they’re not being unreasonable in expecting you to adhere to that.
It’s also true that declining to do work travel in order to care for a pet isn’t seen the way that declining because of child care would be. If you were saying, “I’m the single parent of a toddler and can’t travel more than once or twice a year,” it would likely be going over differently. We can debate whether or not that should be the case, but it’s the reality in many offices.
To me, this hinges on what “some” travel meant when you agreed to that originally. It sounds like the monthly trips to the home office are a new expectation, but what about the events and conferences that you’ve been missing? If those were always understood to be part of the role, even before your coworkers quit, this gets a lot harder to resolve.
But also, what does it mean that you’re now THE team, with no other team members? Are they hiring to fill those roles so this is temporary? Or is the plan to keep you a department of one, and the only person responsible for all the travel that needs to be done?
The other complicating factor: When you’re the only remote worker on a team, it’s really important that you go out of your way to be visible, accessible, and available. You said you weren’t communicating enough in the beginning, and that’s probably making this harder. When you’re a known quantity who’s in frequent communication, people are often more willing to accommodate you when you need it (whereas when they don’t feel connected to you, the opposite can be true).
So, where does all this leave you? I think you need to have a straightforward conversation with your boss to clarify the travel expectations and what you can and can’t commit to, and figure out if the role can still work for both of you (and also ideally resolve the question of whether the situation will change when/if they replace the coworkers who left). You should do this soon, because your boss is telling you pretty forthrightly that he’s unhappy with how things stand now.
I don’t think you can take for granted they’ll accept “I can’t travel at all (or much) because of my cat” for a job that they told you from the start would involve some travel. Some managers might! But a lot of managers wouldn’t, especially for a new employee (as opposed to if you’d been working for them for years before your situation changed). I also don’t think you can expect people not to talk about it. Someone on the team being unable to travel for what people may not see as a “good enough” reason is something that’s likely to get discussed, and there’s no point in spending capital or energy being upset about that.
This situation sucks and it isn’t your fault. You’re trying to save your cat! But I think you’ve got to have an air-clearing conversation with your boss and figure out what will and won’t work.
I hope your cat is okay.