Understanding, communication, and routine can help you get the quality sleep you need —and take you on a loving journey with your partner by your side.
“Good night, sleep tight. Now the sun turns out his light. Good night, sleep tight, dream sweet dreams for me, dream sweet dreams for you.”
~The Beatles
Sleeping side-by-side with your partner can be a loving experience that gives a great sense of closeness and comfort. But, what if your partner does something that irritates you to no end while they’re asleep? It could be because they don’t know they’re doing it! Instead of ignoring the situation, it’s better to embrace the journey and navigate sleep challenges together.
Are you ready to learn how to improve sleep compatibility with your partner? Let’s dive in!
Understanding Sleep Preferences
You work together to understand other people’s preferences in many areas of our lives. Unsurprisingly, you work with your partners to overcome sleep preferences, too. Look at it as an opportunity to try something new in regards to your likes and dislikes.
For example, perhaps you usually fall asleep with the TV on. If your partner has a different opinion and wants the TV off, you could take it as an opportunity to adjust to falling and staying asleep in silence.
The Sound of Quality Sleep
The TV or music, a partner’s snoring, traffic outside the window, the neighbor’s loud music. Sound can be a constant presence in bedrooms. Some people adjust to noise while falling asleep and during the night easier than others.
It can be especially tough for people with anxiety to fall asleep in silence. Noise, particularly soothing music and calming sounds, impacts how the brain processes stress. Sounds signal the brain to release chemicals like oxytocin that can reduce anxiety. It also takes your mind off worried or anxious thoughts by giving your brain a different focus.
How to Manage Noise
Noise that impacts your ability to fall or stay asleep can cause hormonal changes, chronic health conditions, and cardiovascular events. One of the best ways to reduce noise in the bedroom is to drown it out. Talk to your partner, and work to a noise level that suits both of you. Consider:
- Sound Machines
- White or Pink Noise
- Relaxing Playlists
- Noise Cancelling Headphones
- Guided Meditation or Sound Apps
- Turning on a Fan
Different Sleep Positions Aren’t a Deal-Breaker
Sleeping in the same bed with a partner can mean coming to terms with sleep positions you’re not used to. It’s not uncommon for couples to sleep close together during the early part of a relationship and gradually spend less time cuddling as you get more comfortable. People usually choose sleep positions based on comfort. Less closeness in bed does not equate to an unhealthy relationship.
Good Sleep Positions for Couples
8 in 10 adults agree that cuddling reduces anxiety and stress. Many couples’ sleep positions are linked to closeness, such as sleeping on your partner’s shoulder as you fall asleep. Other positions include:
- Spooning
- Stomach
- Back-to-Back
- Cliffhangers
- Intertwined
- Face-to-Face
- Starfish
Too Hot (or Cold) to Handle
The temperature of a bedroom has a major impact on your ability to sleep comfortably and soundly, primarily because it affects body temperature. Your mind and body follow a circadian rhythm influenced by air temperature; body temperature naturally falls closer to bedtime and starts to rise as morning approaches. The internal temperature change signals that it’s time to go to bed and wake up at roughly the same time each day.
What is the Best Room Temperature for Couples?
Studies on bedroom temperature fluctuate in exact degrees, but the range is typically between 65 and 70°F. Couples who spend most of the night in an extremely close position should consider setting the thermostat on the lower end of the range. Be ready to try different temperature settings and compromise to reach a final decision.
Sleeping in lighter or heavier pajamas, adding an extra blanket to one side of the bed, or changing sleep positions are better alternatives to constant bickering over the room temperature. You can also use a programmable thermostat to lower the temperature as the night progresses and raise the temperature before you wake up.
Let’s Talk About the Mattress
Mattresses come in many varieties, sizes, and with advanced technologies, and some are more conducive to couples than others. One of the main aspects of a mattress for couples is motion isolation. Sound motion isolation means you’re less likely to feel movement when your partner changes position or gets out of bed at night. Good mattresses for couples include memory foam, latex, gel, and hybrid because they have better motion isolation.
A queen-sized mattress is a good option for partners who like to cuddle. Keep in mind that the desire for closeness could fade over time. King and California king mattresses are better options that promote closeness and give each partner space to feel more comfortable.
Suppose you have different opinions on firmness or mattress temperature. In that case, a split king lets each partner adjust their side of the bed accordingly. Also, remember that king mattresses take up more space in the bedroom and may lead to a discussion about excess furniture.
Take the Better Bed Quizzz Together to Find Your Perfect Mattress!
Handling Other Sleep Behaviors
Another problem couples have at the beginning of a sleep relationship is adjusting to each other’s uncommon nighttime behaviors. These can be things such as talking during sleep, snoring, or hitting the snooze alarm too many times before waking. Be sure to discuss each other’s quirks before sleep compatibility becomes a problem.
Medical conditions cause sleep behaviors that you might not be used to experiencing. Sleep disorders such as insomnia, sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome, narcolepsy, sleepwalking, or sleep headaches can require help from a medical professional. Support your partner in determining the best course of action to help overcome sleep disorders.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
According to a recent Better Sleep Council (BSC) survey, 40% of couples share a bed at least six times per week. That doesn’t mean that we’re sleeping well together and getting quality sleep:
- 45% say they get better sleep alone, and 45% say they sleep better with someone else.
- While most of those in a relationship and living with their partner say they get a better night’s sleep with a partner, one-quarter say they sleep better alone.
Make discussing sleep preferences and habits with your partner a priority. Open communication is good for your relationship as it builds trust, which can promote understanding, problem-solving, and compromise. You certainly don’t want to find out months—or years—into your relationship that they’ve been silently suffering from poor sleep.
However, it’s not uncommon for partners to decide to move to separate beds if it improves sleep compatibility. A recent survey by the Sleep Foundation found that almost 53% of U.S. adults have started sleeping separately from their partner and say that it has improved their sleep quality. Sometimes referred to as a “sleep divorce,” the change can lead to longer sleep duration.
Rest assured that a sleep divorce won’t necessarily become permanent. Over 25% of couples who tried sleeping apart started sharing the bed again, primarily because they missed being together.
Create a Bedtime Routine
One of the best ways to promote good sleep as a couple is to design a nighttime routine. 81% of adults in a BSC survey said they have regular evening habits before bedtime. A routine doesn’t have to be complex and can include activities to do together and separately. Your bedtime routine should follow a predictable pattern that signals your body that it’s time to get ready to go to bed. A few suggestions to get you started include:
- Eating a light snack
- Having a cup of tea
- Playing a board or card game
- Exercising lightly or stretching
- Turning off devices/blue lights
- Practicing self-care, such as brushing your teeth
Once you’ve made it to the bedroom, you can read a book, listen to music, write in a journal, or practice mindfulness techniques like meditation or relaxing breathing. Of course, cuddling, massages, kissing, and having sex are more intimate activities for the bedroom. Be sure you enjoy the activities that you do together—and respect each other’s space.
Sleep Peacefully with a Partner
Quality sleep is essential to our physical and mental health and overall well-being. Good sleep puts us in a better mood for the day ahead and strengthens our relationships with those around us—including our partners. It’s never too late to start a sleep journey! Embrace your differences, communicate, and enjoy the opportunity to build deeper connections that lead to a strong, healthy relationship.
Want to know more about the Better Sleep Council’s research on Sleep and Partners? Click here for detailed findings and sleep tips for couples that can help you and your partner get quality sleep for years to come!